There are four levels to The Sound Relationship House:
Level 1–Friendship. Friendship includes three parts:
- Love Maps: Love Maps form the foundation of the relationship house. This part of your brain stores key information about your partner, such as their heroes, villains, likes, dislikes, sources of stress, hobbies, beliefs, and fears. Think of it as a map that guides you to your partner’s heart. An accurate Love Map helps you understand how to bring them joy and navigate the sensitive areas of their emotions with care. Since relationships evolve, you need to update this map regularly as the landscape of your partner’s life changes.
- The Fondness and Admiration System: This part of your brain recognizes your partner as someone deserving of respect and affection. It recalls happy memories from the past and notices what is going well in the relationship. It identifies your partner’s admirable qualities and allows you to express affection for them. It encourages you to perform kind and caring acts. When it functions fully, it also creates feelings of desire and passion for your partner, strengthening your bond.
- Turning Towards Instead of Away: This concept, also known as the Emotional Bank Account, works through actions like showing courtesy, kindness, and honesty. You make deposits by keeping commitments and responding positively when your partner bids for attention. Additionally, it includes being willing to take responsibility and make repairs when the relationship experiences harm. These efforts strengthen the connection and build trust over time.
Level II—The Positive Perspective. A positive perspective develops when couples maintain a strong friendship. In other words, they keep their Love Maps accurate and up to date, they consistently express fondness and admiration, and turn toward each other’s bids for attention. When this happens, positive feelings naturally outweigh the negative ones. This process strengthens their relationship, fosters a deeper connection, and is the road to intimacy and great sex.
Level III–Regulation of Conflict. This measures how well the couple respectfully communicates and accepts influence from each other during disagreements. It requires a willingness to forgive and to accept the totality of our partners. It also requires each person to allow their partner time to calm down when emotions get in the way of listening. When this works effectively, repair attempts succeed, and both partners find it easier to reach a compromise.
Level IV—Make Life’s Dreams Come True/Create Shared Meaning. These two levels often overlap, as the couple works to honor each other’s dreams while also building a shared sense of meaning. This connection strengthens their bond.
The Walls of the House: The walls of the house consist of the trust and commitment that the couple builds over time. When every part fits together, the relationship becomes strong and secure.
